State of the Homefront

DISCLAIMER:  THIS IS A BITCHY POST.  YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ IT.

Things are pretty shitty right now.  Not in my cranium - thats about a 3.  No - $$$$!  I'm running out of meds but we are not going to have the $ for them for about 3 weeks.  Gotta do something about that.  The only thing I can think of is selling myself on the corner.  It's my only true skill. (OK, that was supposed to be funny).  There is a hot guy down the road, maybe I could offer him a blow job?  Truthfully, I'm not a big fan of BJ's.  (I'm kinda stealing this:)  If God were a city planner, would he put a restaurant next to a sewage dump?  OK, got off track.  Oh, our phone/TV/Internet is going to be shut off in the next couple of days so I'm telling you all this in case I don't update for a while.  Problem is, hubbs next check is completely dedicated to the mortgage (2 months behind on that).  If we lose our house, we have absolutely no where to go.  Actually, I'll be in the looney bin, but hubbs and kids have no place to go.  Can you spell F-U-C-K-E-D?

I hate being me!  I need a fucking job!  Who the fuck is going to hire someone that doesn't shower or change their clothes.  Does not remember old or retain new information.  Can't be around people.  Can't do more than 1 thing at a time.  bla bla bla

Come on, people.  I am desperate to make money.  Someone tell me what to do.  Jesus, writing this post just moved my cranium down to a 2.  Thank God I'm blogging, it really seems to help!

OK, the basic reason for this post is to let you know why I'm not here once my internet goes out.  But it became a bitch fest.  Feel free to ignore me, I try to.

:):  Have a GREAT day!

You're still here?

Seriously.  Who would want to put up with my vast array of bullshit?  My hubby, that's who.  First, let me tell you some of my qualities:

I cry at the drop of the hat for no apparent reason.

I sleep a LOT.  Have I mentioned how much I love sleeping?

I don't like to be around people so we don't have friends and when we have to go to a family function - forget it.  That is miserable for everyone.  My hubby and daughter end up babysitting me.

I don't clean, do dishes, sweep the floor, do laundry, dust...  you get the idea.

I have issues with leaving the house at all.  If I do have to leave the house (which is very seldom, thank God) I'll be done for the day.

I'm sure there is more, that is just a quick list off the top of my head.  I know if it were me, I would have left my ass years ago.  I've had my good moments, like during my mania.  I'm a freakin blast when I'm manic - but I am usually in the dark pit of doom of bipolar lows.

I really shouldn't question it, though.  I don't want to give him the idea or maybe he'll ask "Was that an option?"

My planned death, when I'm not suicidal, is for hubbs and I to be run over by a beer truck on our way to the liquor store.  We, of course, will be in a drunken stupor.  If for some reason it doesn't work like this and he goes before me, I'm sure I will be shuffled from family member to family member until everyone is sick of me and then placed in some sort of long term institution.  I hope it's some young hottie giving me sponge baths.

So after 11 years of hell and I've been able to hold on to him.  He is really great with me.  Never complains or gets mad at me for my inabilities.

He's right where I want him.