Seriously, why is it so difficult for people to treat others with "mental issues" like they are a normal person. Am I THAT different? I'm realizing that going somewhere where noone knows that I am bipolar is a lot easier than where people do know.
My immediate family (hubbs and the kids) can usually tell by my face, posture and behavior how I am doing before I even speak. That's good. And they know exactly how to handle me. There is only one other person I can speak to when I'm in my pit and she knows how to handle me, too. I have no problem with them at all. Outside of them is a completely different story.
"How ARE you?" OK, I know you can't hear the tone I am typing with, but I'm sure you all know what I mean. When you are sick or hurt and someone is checking on you. God, I fucking hate that! Just come out and ask me "Are you a fucking loon today?" All the time! UGH! Now, this is mostly family I am talking about because I do not really socialize too often. But not all family. OK, I need to get this straight in my head.
Closest family (A): hubbs, kids, sis. Awesome. No prob there. Gotta add my bro here. I'm able to call him in my pit.
Next level of family (B): They love me. I know they love me. That's why they keep asking that stupid fucking question. These are also the people I have to "reassure" every day that I am okay or they are going to want me baker acted. Once they are reassured, things move on as normal. I don't tell them when I'm in my lows because it helps absolutely nothing.
Next (C): Much like B, but I don't see them or speak to them as often. After my ECT's when I was doing so well they treated me much differently. It was great. We had a blast. Now it's back to how it was before. They don't really speak to me because I guess they don't know what to say. Well you know what, fuck you. I'm the same person I was 11 years ago, same person I was after the ECT's... Just talk to me, and not about my God damn mood! Some of these I get the "just deal with it" feeling from.
(D): The rest of the bunch. These are other family member that I am not as close with (unfortunately) and only see occasionally. Maybe its because they are not as aware of my issues or maybe its because they don't want to be annoying bastards but they are good. They are not necessarily people I would call in the middle of a crisis, but I probably could. I just don't want to bother them. I don't mind bothering the people in A.
(E): Friends. I have 1 or 2 longtime friends that know pretty much everything. Then a couple that know I have issues but don't know the extent. Most of them don't realize I'm out of work because I'm unable to work. It's not that I don't want them to know, but I don't really want to bother people. "Wanna hear how much my life sucks?" I have a hard enough time keeping friends as it is.
That's about it. Oh, here is my message to family members in C that I have always wanted to share with them but never had the balls:
Adios, mother fucker.
Very good blog. Just to make sure - I am an "A", right. Love being at the top of the list. I am one of your favorites too! Oh yeah! I am the favorite. I am the fave - all the rave. Love that your blog is all about me.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I really love the phone call I just made to you! You have not idea how much fun it is to call someone and yell out... so, are you a fuckin loon today or what?
BTW - don't tell anyone, but you are my favorite too! You, my dear, are a very important person in my life. i can tell you all my deepest darkest secrets. And no, not just because you forget them all right away.
THIS WAS A JOKE. YOU HAVE NOT REALLY FORGOTTEN ANYTHING THAT I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER!
Mary,
ReplyDeleteJust so you know, I actually have a pretty good memory. I have another blog that I write with your deepest darkest secrets. Here it is if you'd like to check it out:
mysisteristhecarziestfuckingpersoneveryoushouldseesomeoftheshitshedoes.blogspot.com
Love,
Fee